Don't you feel like crying?

She was my first of sorts, and in some ways she still is. Had I not done what I did, neither of us would be who we are today, and I truly believe we both live richer lives now than we would have in the parallell universe where things went the other way.

I can't quite figure out a working philosophy covering whether or not it's plausible that our relationship of seven years ago either doesn't affect or improve our mutual interest in each other in the present. All my conclusions in the matter point to the probability that she still hates my guts but had a momentary lapse of reason (any Pink Floyd fans reading?) on new years eve. I have no way what so ever to actively find out how true my theories are, unless I reach the point where I feel I might as well rip my own heart out and hand it to her to see what she does to it.

Where is the fucking rulebook on this kind of shit? If you find yourself having a crush on some unknown woman you simply make sure to get her number or address and give her a call or send her a nice note or bunch of flowers. If the woman is a friend or a friend's friend, the deal is even easier. What the hell are you supposed to do when the woman is a former girlfriend to whom you have not spoken in several years and with whom you have no current relation or means of casual contact?

It's not like I want to sign a contract on a life long relationship, but the woman I met a few days ago only visually reminded me of the girl I knew seven years ago. Her personality has matured amazingly (which I guess seven years do to most people), and this intrigues me to the point that I want to get to know her (again).

If anything happens I will keep you posted. Don't hold your breath.